You Know You’re In A Good LDR If
Our LDR has officially come to an end — at least for now.
As most of you who read my blog regularly would know, the past 3 years were spent hopping on planes and going on Facetime dates with each other, constantly waiting for the next time we’d be in the same country again.
And now we’ve made it.
We’ve got both feet planted on the same ground and this time, there are no impending deadlines or dates in my head.
I’ve said it time and time again: A long distance relationship is tough. Most choose to stay away from it from the get-go. Other couples decide to hold on too tight, only to find that the distance seems to feel bigger as the months pass. A select few, on the other hand, recognize their own personal growth working simultaneously with that of their relationship’s, and in doing so, they make their relationship work.
Now that our LDR’s come to a full stop, I think I’ll be moving away from long distance relationship topics for the meantime. But before I do that, I thought I’d leave you guys with one more post before I sign off on the LDR world. Stay strong, you guys! :)
You Know You’re In A Good LDR If:
1. You Both Make Time For Each Other
Time zones can go as far as 15 hours, which means one of you will probably be in bed, while the other’s getting ready for work in the morning. But these little nuggets of time — no matter how tiny they may be — are things that help set a routine of some sort.
Trust me when I say that this bit of normalcy is something that you and your partner will value over time. It may take a bit of getting used to. And I totally feel you, those extra minutes spent sleeping may be suuuuuuuper tempting. But what you two are doing is making time for each other and prioritizing communication, despite crazy schedules, and the even crazier time difference.
Soon, you both will get into the habit of talking to each other that it'll be part of your day-to-day activities. The distance then feels a tad bit bearable than before.
2. You Hang Out With His/Her Family While S/He’s Away
I hung out with Vergs’ family, especially his mom, while he was away. We’d have lunch together, talk about life updates, and she gave me great tips about military life. Spending time with her and the rest of Vergs’ family was one of the few things that helped me keep sane, to be honest.
Not gonna lie though. The first date with his mom was the hardest because I was doing my best not to bawl buckets over lunch. Long story short, guess who cried like a baby on her way home alone in the car?
3. You Have A Life Outside Of The Relationship
In the past, I’ve talked about how important it is to keep yourself busy. Having loads of things to do means having less idle time for your mind to wander, which more often than not, eventually leads to missing your partner.
I was busy with a full-time corporate job when Vergs left for boot camp. I used to work late every night because I wanted to be bone tired — the kind of tired when all you want to do is sleep. After my stint in advertising, I switched jobs and went into business development, where I was up to my neck in tech terms.
Basically, what I’m saying is, don’t stay by your phone the whole day, waiting for his next call. DON’T be that person. Instead, do your own thing and work on your goals — whether personal, academic, or career. Have lunch with your friends, treat yourself to a spa day, play a new sport. I sound like such a cliche right now, but you get what I’m saying, right?
4. You Learn To Be Patient
I don’t know how else to say this, but waiting sucks, you guys. I tend to be really impatient, and there were so many situations in the past when I just wanted time to fast forward because I was so done with waiting. My impatience would turn into frustration, and my frustration had me losing focus. I HATED IT.
But at the end of it all, I didn’t really have a choice but to be patient. Or at least learn to be. So as much as I hated it, I had no choice. I needed to stick it out and remember that each passing day was a step closer to another trip to the airport.
5. You Have An Understanding Of A Future Together
Let me just get this out of the way and say that if you don’t see yourself having a future with your LDR partner, drop it. It’s not worth the time, the effort, and not to mention, the money.
Relationships aren’t easy, and long distance relationships can feel like they have an entirely different genre of its own. So save yourself the trouble and just drop it. The less attached you are, the less tears you’ll cry.
On the other hand, if you do see a future together, then you’re on a great path. Not many couples choose to push through with an LDR and the fact that both of you are willing to do it with a relatively solid plan in place, already shows an immense amount of maturity and love on your end.
The thing is when I say “an understanding of a future together”, I don’t necessarily mean marriage. After all, some couples don’t believe in the concept of marriage anyway. And that’s okay. You do you.
But what I mean is, you both have to know what’s happening after the LDR. Where will you two be based? Is your partner coming back? Are you willing to uproot your entire life and move to a new place you might have never been to before? Do you have an idea of the years you’ll spend apart in the meantime?
It’s questions like these that make some people feel uncomfortable. But that sense of discomfort isn’t at all bad. Some people feel overwhelmed at the thought of planning ahead, but in my opinion, it’s always better to have something to hold on to, as opposed to freaking out in the middle of the night trying to figure out if the LDR you’re in is really going somewhere in the first place.
Over the years, I’ve been asked by friends and strangers about how they’d know if a long distance relationship is worth it or not. And most of the time, I just answer with a “you’ll know”. A statement aimed back at the person asking because at the end of the day, it's really only them who can decide on what’s worth holding on to or letting go.
And I guess this is where I’ll end this post, by telling you that in the same way, each relationship starts with a decision, the choice to continue the long-distance love will always depend on what it is you want, and what you think is worth more.
This feels so surreal, you guys. The long wait to finally be with my husband after 3 years of see-you-laters and tears at the airport has finally taken a long overdue stop.
#HappilyEverVERGARA is here to stay.
I just wanted to say a massive thank you to those who have sent me messages asking me about LDR related stuff. This category was really just initially my way of getting everything off my chest. I had no idea it would help other people feel less lonely in their situation.
Though I won’t be blogging about LDR stuff that much anymore, please don’t hesitate to let me know if you still have anything bugging you. Who knows, maybe you aren’t the only one asking, and I’ll start writing posts on this topic again. :)