LDR Emotions | The Rise, The Fall, The Crazy

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A friend of mine once told me I sounded so mature. In my own loony head, I had the impression she meant I was old. I was just about to go bat sh*t crazy on her and remind her we were the same age, when she said, “It’s just, you’ve gone through so much with your long distance relationship, and you’re still sane. It’s like nothing fazes you anymore.”

Boy did I shut up after that.

As much as I would’ve loved to jump on that train and feel empowered, a part of me couldn’t help but stop to think. Our LDR had me going through a rollercoaster of emotions — some I’d never wish on my worst enemy. It’s a whole other kind of worry when your significant other is on a ship in the middle of the ocean. It’s an even bigger hysteria waking up to messages on my phone telling me to turn on the TV because his ship’s on the news.

Things like those keep you on your toes. They leave minimal allowance for surprises, and yet they still strike a cord all the same.

5 Emotional Rides (So Far)

1. The (Almost) Wedding Ditcher

Yes, friends. I almost got ditched at the court. #kiddingnotkidding 

Hours before I was scheduled to leave for my flight to Norfolk, Vergs sent me a message saying he might not be able to fly out. The reason? The military was thinking twice about letting him take his training in Norfolk. 

Btw, all this happened after I scheduled my 2 week leave from work, and right before I was bound to leave for the airport. Thank goodness his flight and training pushed through.

2. The Home Surprise

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One time, Vergs’ family invited me to an out of town trip with them — sans Vergs. I was happy to oblige, they were like family to me anyway. 

The agreement was that I’d be at their place by 11pm. When I rang the doorbell, Vergs opened the gate. 

I was completely floored, I couldn’t even speak. A part of me thought I had died, to be honest. I didn’t even want to go near him at first because I thought he was my version of the “white light” — dramatic, I know.

3. The Wedding Decision-Maker

I’ve been blessed with a husband who wants to celebrate with a wedding back in the Philippines — even if we’re already married. This means I’m in the process of planning to make the whole event come together. That includes going on oculars, meeting with caterers, and scouring Pinterest for all my pegs. 

To be honest, there was a time when I dreaded going to wedding-related meetings and talking about anything involving it. It all just made me really sad. In my head, I had this idea where wedding planning was supposed to be a fun thing done by couples. And yet, here I was, with my husband out at sea.

I tried to put off meetings as much as possible. And it worked… until I almost lost my venues for the church and reception. Lemme tell you, the stress levels I had that time were through the roof.

4. The Ship Surprise

How do I even begin to talk about things like these that just shake me to my core? 

The last time it happened, I woke up to several messages on my phone about my husband’s ship. It was all over the news. My eyes were so glued on CNN, my dad would’ve been proud. After a few minutes, I tried to calm myself down by scrolling on my feed. But then I found a few friends sharing articles of the news on social media. 

What made matters worse was I hadn’t heard from Vergs at the time, so I didn’t have any answers on how he and the rest of his shipmates were doing.

Sometimes not knowing is just the worst. The mind can be such a devil.

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5. The Cycle of Emotions During Visits

In a past entry, I’ve said that goodbyes and see-you-laters leave a mark, no matter how long it’s been. Case in point, this current visit to Spain. 

I’ve got a little over 2 weeks left with the husband and the internal countdown and emotions are already kicking in. I’ll get into this more next time — maybe during a period when emotions aren’t as fresh.

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Contrary to what my friends may think, there are still things that leave me feeling weak (and I don’t mean, weak in the knees). Haha, the secret’s out, guys. As happy as I am on my travels, life isn’t always as peachy. There are days when I’m worried sick about what’s happening in other parts of the world and there are days when I just don’t have it all together — that’s what bottles of wine are for.

To all my friends who think I’m doing a “good job” with my situation, I just wanted to say thank you. Sometimes I feel like I’ve abandoned all sense of normalcy outside the military life. But knowing that you think I’ve got it all under control makes me feel like I’m doing something right.